A Journey Into Pain
My family is originally from Palestine. However, while growing up, I lived in many places. I lived in Kuwait, Jordan, and Qatar. I loved traveling, meeting new people, and experiencing life. It made me feel alive. However, one day while I was visiting a friend in Kuwait, I met a Palestinian guy. After getting to know each other for several months we decided to get married and move to Palestine. Back then, I thought I was taking my first step into happiness. However, time would prove otherwise.
When we first moved to Palestine I was on a visitor’s visa. We tried to apply for family unification which would allow me to live in Palestine with my husband. However, we were denied every request that was made. That is to say, I was denied all of my legal rights as a Palestinian. I was deprived of traveling from city to city, of leaving the country to visit my family and of living a normal life.
From the moment I came to Palestine my life kept taking a turn for the worse. I have been faced with many difficult situations, which have had serious psychological effects on me. However, the situation that I remember most vividly was when I was pregnant with our first child. During my pregnancy, I was unable to receive prenatal care because I was unable to get through the Israeli checkpoints to get to the hospital without an ID. I was also forced to give birth to our son in our home and there were some complications during the birth. Although we tried to get him to the nearest hospital, by then it was too late and he died. Every day I am haunted by the memory of him, and as a mother, I do not know if I can ever forgive myself for not protecting him.
It has now been seven years since I moved to Palestine. I realize now that the happy life I had once planned for myself was only a figment of my imagination. Every day I pray to God to let this pain get easier: the pain of being away from the people I love, my family, and above all of losing my son. I hope that one day I will be able to have a normal life in which I do not feel like a fugitive or a prisoner in my own country.
- Basam Atiha
Entry Filed under: Testimonies